Naseeruddin Shah on courting Ratna Pathak Shah for 7 years: ‘Her parents were against it because I was a drug addict, ill-tempered, and had been married before’

Opening up about his equation with his children, he said that he didn't want it to be anything like the relationship he shared with his father

Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah tied the knot in 1982 (Source: Naseeruddin Shah/Instagram)

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Love is a profound and transformative emotion that transcends boundaries and connects hearts. What makes this feeling special is that everyone experiences it differently. In a recent interaction with Humans of Bombay, actor Naseeruddin Shah opened up about his idea of love. “There’s a saying, ‘Follow love and it will flee. Flee love and it will follow thee.’ That’s my take on love,” he told Karishma Mehta.

He added, “It’s not some nebulous thing. It’s not a cloud which comes into the room and pours rain on you when you say, ‘I love you’. Love consists of many factors – friendship, compatibility, appreciation of each other, and your desire to help each other. I think these are the components of love.”

As such, what happened when Naseeruddin met his wife, actor Ratna Pathak Shah? “I just took to her the moment I saw her,” he said, adding that he first met her in 1975 when he had just come to Mumbai from Pune. “I had already done my first film while I was still in the film institute. We were introduced because she was acting in a play which Satyadev Dubey was directing. I just felt I’d like to know this person.”

Over the process of their rehearsals, the duo got to know each other. “I think she also liked what she saw. It’s been a great blessing because we have stood by each other through thick and thin. She has stood by me rather through thick and thin, through very difficult times, and through very good times. I think the main reason for that is because we have remained friends – that’s the most important thing,” the actor said.

On courting Ratna for almost seven years before tying the knot, he revealed that her parents were against the alliance. “Her parents were against it because I was married before and I was a drug addict. I was an ill-tempered man and all that sort of thing. But, she didn’t pay heed to any of that. In between, she went to drama school for three years. But we were practically living together. So when she moved in with me, it was like the most normal thing in the world,” he said.

According to Naseeruddin, love between two lovers transitioning into husband-wife shouldn’t change. “Absolutely, it should not. That’s the mistake people make – when they get married, they begin to take each other for granted. I believe a great marriage is one where neither one’s role is defined. It’s the same with friendship. One should have no expectations from the person you consider your friend. So whatever he does is fine with you. So we have had this kind of relationship where I have not been the master of the house and she has not been the housekeeper,” he said, sharing that he has participated in looking after the home and children.

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However, he doesn’t like to cook as it doesn’t interest him. “I love eating though. But that’s the only department I think where I haven’t helped. Otherwise, if you approach each day thinking ‘Today I am going to know some more about this person’ rather than imagining ‘I know everything about this person’, then you get married but that doesn’t happen. You find a lot more when you are actually living together. That’s what keeps the relationship fresh and alive that you don’t ever assume that you know everything about the other person.”

Moreover, the last thing the actor discovered about his wife was that she is a “damn good” comedian! “It is not what I expected. I thought she would be a dramatic actor and she is very good at drama as well. But she really surprised me. I really liked this latest series of hers called ‘Happy Family’,” he said.

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However, not just her comedy skills, Naseeruddin is also in awe of Ratna’s organisational skills. “She looks after our theatre company, the logistics of it. I look after the creative side. She has a double burden because she has to act also,” he said, adding that her sense of humour is delightful.

The actor further revealed that his actor-wife is a self-sacrificing person. “She would first think of others. That’s a rare quality. She would first think of others and then of herself.”

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Opening up about his equation with his children, he said that he didn’t want it to be anything like the relationship he shared with his father. “I wanted to be friends with them. I want them to be able to give me a hug when they feel like it and slap me on the back when they feel like it,” he said, adding that however, it hasn’t actually panned out that way and he doesn’t know why.

“I have tried very hard to not make the same mistakes my father made. But, I enjoy their company and they enjoy our company too. So, that is a very encouraging sign. I don’t know too many kids who spend New Year’s Eve or Diwali with their parents. Our kids do. That’s quite wonderful. At least, we have done something right,” he said.